A Penny Fished Out of the Tape Player is a Penny Earned

So the other day, when I was Having A Day, I retreated from the penny-in-the-tape-player situation with great reluctance. I'd carted my tweezers down to the garage, attempted and failed to remove said penny, and gave up - but not before leaving this post-it note above The Uptight Yankee's toolbox:

"Do you have any LONG tweezers!??"

Because, of course, when I needed tweezers, I'd reached for my *eyebrow* tweezers. What other tweezers does a girl have, for crying out loud?

So The Uptight Yankee smirked and said, no, he didn't have 'any other' tweezers, and I steeled myself for the task of asking my neighborhood ghetto-fabulous car audio system installers to help me get the penny out. These people install sound systems in cars in which I'd be afraid to breathe, let alone turn on the radio. Can you imagine the mortification of asking for their help in getting a penny out of the manufacturer-installed tape player - TAPE PLAYER! - in my mom mobile? But my options were dwindling - the trip to LA with nothing but corporate radio loomed.

Then, this morning, I saw my husband had laid out his tools: his little halogen flashlight thingie that he straps to his forehead*, a metal skewer of the kind you might use to barbecue shish kabob, and some long, skinny, rusty, scratched-paint, never-been-near-an-eyebrow, needle-nosed TWEEZERS! Wh-WHAT!? Picture the cartoon character with the charcoal smudge of fuming thoughts above her head. That was me.

Me: I thought you said you didn't have any long tweezers?

Him: No, I don't, these are the only tweezers I have. [awkward pause] Why? Which tweezers did YOU use?

Me: My EYEBROW TWEEZERS. [in a 'well, duh, what the fuck tweezers was I supposed to use?' tone of voice]

Both: much crossing of arms, glaring of eyes, fuming of breath...

But I do declare, he went down to the garage, situated his headlamp, and operated on my tape player with his BBQ skewer and his *long* tweezers and he RETRIEVED THE PENNY! He is the bestest thing ever!

We drove to O'side to visit friends, to the sweet sound of a Car Talk podcast followed by Iron & Wine. I can't wait for the drive on Monday. Squueeeeeee!

*I'm sorry but exactly how cute is it that The Uptight Yankee a) owns a headlamp and b) uses it in total earnestness? Yes, it is the cutest thing you've ever seen. I totally ripped off the asterisk/footnote thing from JenniChicago, and I love it.

Last but not least, for the one other person out there that still watches Grey's Anatomy - dude, how come no one on the show could figure out that George O'Malley would have donated his organs? Are we for real here? The man jumped in front of a bus to save a total stranger. I'm thinking a cornea or two is nothing after that. All that quality season-premiere time wasted on blowing hot air about is he or isn't he a donor - HELLO? He's a donor, he's SO a donor. Morons. And if you're not a donor, sign up now. In CA you put a Donor Dot on your license; no idea how it works anywhere else. If DMV paperwork's not your thing, start now by telling everyone you know that when you get hit by a bus, you want to donate your goods. It's good for your karma.

I'm Having a Day

I set up my blog the other day - my 'fake blog' as my friend and I have been referring to our blogs - and then chickened out before posting. I wanted my first post to be funny... cool. But I'm Having A Day, and so I figure fuck it - there's no time like the present.

It's not that it's a Bad Day, necessarily - I've had worse for sure. People I love are having worse days as I type, and I know this. But here's how it went down. While I made breakfast, my almost-two-year-old Bean dumped an entire box of Cheerios on the kitchen floor. Honey-Nut Cheerios, people - the good shit. He didn't even mean to do it. He just pulled the wax liner out of the box, played with the box, and then picked up the wax liner... by the bottom... and took off for the dining room, Cheerios pouring out. When I yelled "Bean! No!" he turned around and looked at me like, "Hunh? What?" and as he turned, Cheerios sprayed out around him. He looked down at his feet in surprise, giggled, and started dancing around in the Cheerios like a mad leprechaun. I stood there frozen, arms reaching out as if to stuff 8,000 Cheerios back in the bag, and I couldn't even really be mad - I gave him the box, and I'd never even clipped the liner closed. I just shoveled the Cheerios into a heap in the corner of my kitchen and moved on.

I moved on to making yogurt, but my yogurt starter was moldy. Huh. I started to get a sneaking suspicion that I was about to Have A Day, but I tried to shake it off. You know, look on the bright side, think positively, blah blah blah.

So I shook it off and moved into my bedroom to straighten up. My mom drilled it into me that you always feel better if your bed is made up, and I'm all about feeling better. As I yanked on the cord to raise the blinds, there was this horrible 'screeee' noise and only one side of the blinds rose up. Not good. I tried to lower them, raise them, lower them... I yanked on the cord HARDER because goddammit I was NOT going to Have A Day. But alas, the blinds are broken. I called my husband, the Uptight Yankee, to ask if he wanted me to get new ones right away and he said, "Let me see if I can fix them tonight when I get home." Translation: they will hang there busted for a month or til I get sick of them, whichever comes first, and THEN I will go get new ones. *Sigh.*

What did I do next? You know what I did: I SHOOK IT OFF! I got Bean and me ready and out the door in record time, headed to the mall that has a car wash service so I could run some mall errands AND get my car washed at the same time! Super efficient! The car wash was closed. FUCK. I just did my stupid errands, rode the escalator up and down with Bean 8 times, and then drove all the way back to my hood to another car wash so - say at with me now - at least my car is clean.

When we got home, I let Bean play around in the car as he loves to do- he's my good guy and it takes so little to make him happy. He just loves to punch all the buttons and flip all the levers. And, as it turns out on this Day of all Days, he loved putting a penny in my tape player.* FUCKITY FUCK FUCK. But I'm cool, I'm on it, I can persevere - I grab my mini Maglite in my car and swivel it on... or try to... but its batteries are dead. Sweet Mother of God - I'm Having A Day. There's nothing left but to give in to it.

Several lifetimes later, after giving Bean lunch, chasing him around the courtyard, and talking him into a nap, I run back down to the garage, tweezers in hand, new batteries in the Maglite, motherfuckers, because I'm handling this shit. The tweezers are too short - I succeed only in pushing the penny farther back. I briefly considered going MacGyver: chewing up a piece of gum and sticking it on the end of a ballpoint pen in my car to try to fish the penny out but... I'm not sure, but I think this might be A Really Bad Idea. I really don't want to explain to the guys at the car audio place why I need their help in getting a penny, some chewed-up gum, and a pen out of my tape player. Let's keep it simple and stick with just the penny.

And here I am blogging about it. Bean finally fell asleep (or at least I don't hear him going "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom" anymore) and I *should* be cleaning my bedroom as part of my campaign to clean up my house after weeks of bingeing on Twilight fan fiction and neglecting my chores. But sometimes I think when I'm Having A Day that I should just sit real still and wait for it to pass.

*I can hear you, I can, I know you're going, "Why in God's name in 2009 do you have a tape player in your car? What the hell are you driving, a 1984 Toyota Celica?" No, actually, it's a newish car with a tape player so I can listen to my iPod using one of those tape converter thingies. And quite frankly, the tizzy over the penny in the player is caused by only one thing: panic. Panic at the thought of being without my iPod. I've got to drive to LA on Monday and... and... if I don't get this penny thing taken care of... I might have to... [gulp] listen to commercial radio all the way there and back! Noooooooooooo!!!!