Riddle: How Do You Take One Good Lookin' Dude and Turn Him All Fugly?

How do we get from this:

To this?:

From this [try not to lick the screen... I know, it's tough, but you can do it]:

To this crime against humankind?:
From this:
To this double-threat of unfortunateness?:
And just to help heal your retinas a bit, I leave you with this [and yes I *can* hear your big sigh of relief all the way across the Internet]:

In case you can't tell, it's clear the answer is: Add a really fucking horrendous wig.

This has been bothering me for a while... OK, fine, for months. I may or may not have started a blog *just* to post about this. I can't help it.

Jackson Rathbone

[sincetwoofmythreereadersmightnotknow:heplaysJasperintheTwilightmovies]

is a cutie. I don't know if I think he's the hottest shit ever - in fact after seeing Twilight I was like, 'who's the constipated-looking guy they found to play Jasper? Seems like they could have done a little better... [sorry, Jackson, but it's true! I did!]' and then I saw photos of him in real life and knew that a great wrong had been perpetrated.

So here I go: Jackson's a good-looking man with a heart-melting smile and a naughty twinkle in his eye and that's enough for me. He deserves BETTER than the assholes in the Twilight Saga costume department! He does! It's just not right!

There's the basic injustice of it: turning a beautiful man into... into.. I don't know what but it ain't pretty. And then there's the Twilight factual fail part of it: the vampires are supposed to be SO BEAUTIFUL - one might say SUPERNATURALLY BEAUTIFUL. Costume assholes, you're going the wrong direction with this wig issue.

My hairstylist has a hell of a theory: she hypothesizes that it's in Robert Pattinson's contract that none of the other guys can be better looking than he is, so they had to ugly up poor Jackson to comply. *giggle*

One of my fave Twi-blogs (which I can't remember for the life of me right now, I thought it was Letters to Twilight but I couldn't find it on there and now I just don't know...) explained Jackson's recent hand injury as the result of a scuffle with the wig department - if he did indeed open up a can of whup-ass on the wiggy bastards, I salute you, dude. Perhaps by the FOURTH movie, Summit's budget will be big enough to buy you some new hair.

The Bean has awoken and is repeating "Mom.Mom.Mom.Mom" relentlessly, my cue to wrap this bitch up and post it. *Sigh* There's just not enough Twilight time in the day.

PS: I'm pretty sure that as a blogger for the forces of good, I am supposed to list photo sources, but I just googled Jackson Rathbone images and cherry-picked away. It was almost too easy. I can't remember which pic came from where, but sources included scifiwire.com, eclipsemovie.org, Twilighters Anonymous and sofeminine.co.uk. Plus the first pic is tagged so there you go.