Is Kellan Lutz…. Um… A Himbo?

I don’t know … I mean … I’m not sure, but… what if Kellan Lutz is…DUMB? Could it be?

I don’t know about you but I have a hard time fantasizing about a freakishly hot total stranger who I will never meet and who is a full decade younger than me - if I think he’s dumb.

[Shut UP, Lost Rose, Taylor Lautner gets a pass ‘cause he hasn’t even graduated from high school yet! And I do not fantasize about him… I just slaver over his shirtless photos because That’s Normal!]

Shhh, Kellan, I know. It’s OK. You’re still smokin’ hot with a ridiculous body, a gorgeous face, and a wicked smile. You’re still, technically speaking, the most physically attractive of the Cullen boys. Cutie’s guest post on SLP pretty much sums it up. I mean, you’re still KELLAN LUTZ. It’s gonna be OK.

Hey babe, I'm off to the course for a round of the world's most boring game!

But, Kellan – really? The Purpose-Driven Life is your favorite book? You like working out with your dog? Your mom is the coolest person you know, and you aren’t happy unless you break a sweat every day? Next thing you know, you’ll be saying that golf is your favorite sport and you think playing video games is the funnest thing ever.

*Dies* --- > *Of boredom*

Hey, baby, wanna play some Nintendo?

I feel like I did when I read a million years ago that Chris O’Donnell plays the stock market for fun: “Ohhhhhhhhh… You were cute… and now… you’re not. Sorrygottagobye!”

[*whooshing air noise followed by sound of door slamming as I run away….*]

And so, Kellan, I’m sorry, but this just isn’t going to work for me. I need a little… complexity.

PS:

In putting this together, I forced myself to google images of Kellan Lutz. It was brutal. There were SO MANY literally stomach-droppingly-fine photos of the man, I got the shakes. The shakes! I almost trashed this whole post because I was like, he’s soooooo fiiiiiiinnnnnnne…. who cares if he’s dumb and boring! Almost. It’s like when Rolling Stone ran that cover of Brad Pitt, long-haired and shirtless for Legends of the Fall, and he said something like ‘I’m not particularly good in bed’ and we were all: Dude. No one cares if you’re good in bed. Just lie still! I almost don't care if Kellan's dumb! Almost.

Also on a final note of hysterical giggling, when I was researching the part about Chris O’Donnell thinking the stock market was fun, I found that at the end of the article I linked to, it notes that he is an avid golfer! He meets another criterion of boringness and I didn’t even know it!

Sources: Sources, sources, FUCK ME! OK - Images from start to finish - the bitchen motivational poster is from IllegalWolfLover via Letters to Twilight; the car one is from aussietwilightmums.com and I'd like to join THAT club, and the last pic is from mtv.com. The links are hopefully self-explanatory upon clickety-clicking.